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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 8:17:20 GMT -5
Post by shemina on Apr 9, 2007 8:17:20 GMT -5
Does anyone else deal with money hungry inlaws?? My inlaws are very nice people but when it comes to money..they expect my husband and i to pay for things while they get things for free. i.e we had gone out of the country last year and left our kids with them...they wanted money!! I would expect for groceries yes but we payed for their time!! When we visit, we are expected to pick up and pay for food. I did a project for my sister in law for her new baby's room, my cost was $ 80.00 and till this day i haven't seen it. It's a hot topic in our house hold!! Yet my husband finds it offensive if i mention to him that i would like to be paid for all the portrait sessions they ask for!
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 8:49:51 GMT -5
Post by aidensmom on Apr 9, 2007 8:49:51 GMT -5
Wow! Shemina, that is crazy. No I don't have that problem at all! My MIL will watch Aiden whenever, and if she had to feed him for some reason she wouldn't even think about it, she would just feed him. In fact if we go out for dinner with they usually pay for us, but there is times we just pay for ourselves as well, but my inlaws would never expect us to pay for them. I can see your husband getting defensive about the portrait charging, but I would say the exact same thing as you, he is just getting his back up because it is his family.
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 11:24:55 GMT -5
Post by droc01 on Apr 9, 2007 11:24:55 GMT -5
I would refuse to do their potraits for free. If your husband finds it offensive I would ask if he finds it offensive that you have to pay grandma and grandpa for watching their flesh and blood?
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 12:21:40 GMT -5
Post by shemina on Apr 9, 2007 12:21:40 GMT -5
My husband is the type of person that will let things go when it comes to money...it's in his nature to be generous but very frustrating on my part.
I wish i could say no...my husband has said the same thing to me, He doesn't want to be in the middle when the favour is directed at me. I guess it's complicated..they would feel offended and well they are also a loud family and they tend to gang up. Sad! Trust me when i say this that everyone will know.
This is going to be an on going thing until i decide to divorce my in-laws! he he. I love it when it's summer time though, i'm too busy to go over so my husband and kids go without me.
And Karen you are right, no matter what or how often my husband agrees with me he will alway let things go when it comes to his parents and family. And don't get me wrong, family should stick together, just not take advantage.
Thank-you for support everyone...i just had it bottled up.
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 13:04:40 GMT -5
Post by sabre on Apr 9, 2007 13:04:40 GMT -5
Tasha and I have had some "family issues" from both sides. I have told her repeatedly, and I'll through it out now.
"Yes, they were our families, but they are our extended families now. You and I are now family. It's you and I against the world. It's our goals that are important now. I value their advice, and I love their company, but ultimately it is only our opinion that matters."
At the risk of sounding overly dramatic, anybody that isn't with you is against you. You wouldn't let a family member sexually assault your children no matter who they were. Why should verbal or mental abuse be allowed? Granted, it's not as extreme, but over time it can be just as damaging.
You owe it to your children to provide them a safe and loving home for them to grow up in. If there is constant bickering or family fighting, that's going to affect how your children mature.
With Tasha and I, we've had to draw some pretty strong lines in the sand with our extended families. I won't say they've been 100% successful, but it's definately improved our situation. Besides, people don't change overnight.
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 15:39:12 GMT -5
Post by droc01 on Apr 9, 2007 15:39:12 GMT -5
Ta "Yes, they were our families, but they are our extended families now. You and I are now family. It's you and I against the world. It's our goals that are important now. I value their advice, and I love their company, but ultimately it is only our opinion that matters." This is very true and I look at situations like this as well, but I think I am fortunate. My in-laws are really great. There is one thing going on right now with my MIL that neither myself or Kelly are happy with, but there isn't much we can do to change it. Sometimes it is easy being on the outside and saying do this and do that as I had done earlier, but sometimes you have to stand up to your in-laws. Kelly had to do that with my mother and I think she respects her more for doing so. My mom can be such a pain. lol
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 17:52:56 GMT -5
Post by Karisma on Apr 9, 2007 17:52:56 GMT -5
Um...my inlaws don't give a crap about their living breathing grandkids...and they live 20 minutes away. Suck it up!!
Sorry...to harsh??
I am *very angry* (language edited - Sabre)
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 18:05:32 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Apr 9, 2007 18:05:32 GMT -5
My virginal ears karisma tsk tsk.. My inlaws live in Halifax and I wish we were closer so they could see the kids grow up and watch them reach their milestones. Although I am sure if they were closer there would be issues only because of my hubbys relationship with his mom. He was not raised by her so there are some unresolved feelings
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Inlaws
Apr 9, 2007 21:18:05 GMT -5
Post by luvmykid on Apr 9, 2007 21:18:05 GMT -5
I generally get along with my inlaws. It's my hubbies aunt who is the in law from hell! Thank god she lives in Sudbury. She is a very giving person always want to help out but in the same breath she can be down right mean. After 15 years I thought I had her figured out.
My MIL is awesome we have had our outs but worked through them. She also lives in Sudbury but when one of us has needed her she has been her for us. I had her in the delivery room when J was born.
It took my hubbie a while to acknowledge that just because his aunt was family I needed him to defend me or she would be relentless. He has told his family a few times to back off and if things didn't change they wouldn't be seeing us.
He also fews our family the same as you Sabre, We are family, we stick together. It's us and only us.
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bloop
Rock
[M0:0]
Posts: 90
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 6:58:45 GMT -5
Post by bloop on Apr 10, 2007 6:58:45 GMT -5
Um...my inlaws don't give a crap about their living breathing grandkids...and they live 20 minutes away. Suck it up!! Sorry...to harsh?? I am *very angry* (language edited - Sabre) Yes I can relate you know how I feel about mine. I celebrated when they moved.
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 7:42:42 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Apr 10, 2007 7:42:42 GMT -5
But when families do that it hurts and not just the kids either.. Some families i wonder why they even had kids if they did not want the whole package for life...
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bloop
Rock
[M0:0]
Posts: 90
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 9:31:40 GMT -5
Post by bloop on Apr 10, 2007 9:31:40 GMT -5
Well Dream as my husbands father told him in person in the fall of 2005 if he could re-do his life over he would have never had kids nor married his wife of 30 years. Some people are just screwed period. I think my kids are better off not exposed to the toxicity they are.
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 9:58:45 GMT -5
Post by droc01 on Apr 10, 2007 9:58:45 GMT -5
Well isn't that I nice thing to say to your kid. I could not imagine my life with out Kelly and Jadzia. She just told me she wants to play learn how to play hockey. I told her she has to learn how to skate on regular skates by herself. The look on her face was priceless. LOL
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 10:03:24 GMT -5
Post by Admin on Apr 10, 2007 10:03:24 GMT -5
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Inlaws
Apr 10, 2007 10:10:43 GMT -5
Post by Karisma on Apr 10, 2007 10:10:43 GMT -5
I don't understand how a grandparent can turn their backs..even when faced with a new diagnoses from our son (aspergers) they still didn't reach out)
I'm not asking them to raise them..just be a part of our family and stop being so selfish on their time I need help here....I'm drowning
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